“The spiritual path is not a choice, it’s what is left when you are running out of choices.”
At a certain point - at least if we are “lucky” - we get tired of our own home-made addiction to our very personal drama and suffering which always holds the same story behind it, the story we have been repeating years over years, probably even life time over life time. One day the pain to get stuck within that suffering will just get unbearable and won’t allow for any other action than facing our deepest wounds, fears and inner demons. It’s that moment when we have to stop blaming our circumstances in life, the difficulties we are facing in our personal relationships or a tiny little virus for making us feel miserable. It’s that time in life when we finally have to realize that we (as an individual but also on the collective level) attract those situations, partners and challenges through our very own unhealed wounds and past imprints. In the end it’s those challenges that help us to wake up, they might be unpleasant and tiring but they are also our biggest chance to grow beyond our stiffest limitations. It’s the time to realize that we are never the victim of a challenge or situation, yet only the victim of our own self-made beliefs and self-imposed limitations. Once we recognize our challenges as life´s little gifts and hints towards what needs further healing, we may emotionally process all the anger, sadness, and fear, analyze it, contemplate and stay with it from and within all possible angles. Yet, lingering in self-pity by pointing the finger and responsibility for them externally onto others in the end not only hurts ourself but also all the people we are engaged with in our personal relationships - as true as a saying can be: „If you never heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who never cut you.”
With all the need of self-care, being gentle to oneself and giving ourselves enough time to process the path of self-healing we may not forget that it is the unprocessed pain itself within us that already in the first place creates our addiction to lying to ourselves, telling us that it is always our circumstances and the behaviors of others that is creating our suffering. Depending on how quickly one wants to turn a painful life into a more joyful state of being, we may need - at least in certain moments of life - to subject ourself to a (spiritual) „maturity and healing bootcamp“. Or as one of my teachers used to say, “it’s time to reparent ourselves and accept and fully live our own responsibility for ones healing.”
Sometimes self-love can also express itself in a gentle, yet meaningful and determined kick in the a***. As a result we may find ourselves in a sheer endless process of self discovery and reflection, numerous (healing) sessions with people who have walked that path before and countless hours of meditation and other methods of deep self inquiry. We may find ourselves in a constant observation and self-reflection that keeps us awake even during night times. We may - as in my case - find ourselves constantly on the road, making the wish to sleep in one’s own bed sometimes unbearable, or as in regards to the previous months use the countless lock-downs for even deeper inquiries into one´s darkest inner corners of the sub-consciousness; loosing beloved ones that are not willing to let go of our “previous” (unhealed) self; quitting a job even before knowing what will come next. We may find the need to move and / or sell all our belongings and change our life entirely; We may need to do so or we might not, there is no general rule regard what the path of healing must look like. Whatever the case may be - at a certain point the flow of life will anyway hit us with its fullest force and will bring all necessary changes, without our participation of a so-called letting-go even being needed.
Can this be a painful process? Yes, indeed, in most cases it surely is. Yet, there is another saying full with truth: “Growth is painful, change is painful, yet nothing is as painful as being stuck in a place you don’t belong.” And if there is one thing for sure in a cosmos that can never be controlled, yet is full of uncertainties: we don’t belong in a place or state of pain and suffering.
So don’t be afraid to set your life on fire. Burn all the unneeded worries and pains. Face your deepest wounds and let them come to the surface and bleed out so that they can finally heal. During this period of transformation you might feel that everything is falling apart. But in reality everything is falling together for your highest good. You are only pushed to help you to evolve. You may find yourself in times of darkness, yet, darkness is just another physical form of light itself. In the end, the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an illusion. The tunnel itself is that illusion.
May we all help our sleeping heart to awaken, uncovering it from all the pain and suffer it has collected around it over the times. Let’s take it out to the vast fields of light and love and simply allow it to breath and expand into that indescribably phenomena called life.
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